Ways to Deal with Nerves Part 1

Having just given a speech to a room full of strangers it made me think about how some situations can make you feel apprehensive and nervous.  And it is true I was a bit worried and you do worry about things going wrong, but preparation for the event really helped.  If you belong to some facebook groups you can put out the message on them that you have an event coming up that you are nervous about and ask for some advice/support.  You'll be surprised how many people reach out to do that, which is really nice and it just helps to know that you are not the only person to have been in that sort of situation.

Preparing for a Nerve-Racking Situation

Assess your nerves. 

In order to know what to do to best help yourself through nerves, take stock of your symptoms. This way you can focus on ways of calming yourself down that work best for you. Common symptoms include:

• Sweating
• Dry Mouth
• Shaking/trembling
• Butterflies
• Difficulty concentrating
• Stammering/shaky voice
• Rapid heartbeat
• Dizziness
• Shallow breathing
• Biting nails/ fiddling
• Defensive body language (like crossing your arms and legs)

Rehearse beforehand.

Just like everything else, we improve our confidence and abilities with extra practice. Try to imagine what it will be like to greet whatever you're nervous about. See yourself successfully and confidently meeting your goals for this situation. Don't try to plan everything to a tee (otherwise you'll end up holding yourself to it). While nervousness may never go away entirely, the duration of nervousness throughout the event diminishes rapidly with experience.

Breathe.

Try learning some techniques to take deep, relaxing breaths. These techniques will serve you in preparation of the moment and can even be done in moments of major nervousness. Whether you have a tendency to use shallow breaths, monitored breaths, or breath too rapidly, deep breathing will help you breath more efficiently. This way your body will be receiving more of what it needs to get through a moment of major energy expenditure. Also, relaxed breathing will relax your highly stimulated autonomic nervous system.

Turn nervous thoughts into affirmations. 

Nervousness is just our adrenaline pumping--the production of energy. So, when we get nervous our minds are busy having tons of ideas that correspond with the stressful intensity of our feelings: "I can't do this." or "I'm not good enough."While you may not be able to stop the racing thoughts, you can replace them with affirmations. Affirmations are positive descriptions of your capability, written in the first person. The following are examples of affirmative statements that you can drown out negative thoughts and poke hole in your belief of them:

• “I am the best candidate for this job”.
• “I am perfectly qualified to give this performance and I will”.
• “I can handle this”.
• “They want me to succeed on this test and I will”.

Use visualisation techniques. 

Imagine yourself at the event you are nervous about not only doing the task successfully, but doing it with the most success imaginable. Feel yourself as purposeful and confident, and concentrate on the small details of what's going on around you. Go through the entire successful sequence of events and take in the feeling of accomplishment that runs through it. This technique is frequently used by athletes, and has proven powerful in increasing game time confidence.

• For example, if you are nervous about talking to a crush, imagine yourself striking up a funny, engaging conversation that has everyone laughing and your crush looking at you in a whole new way.

Accept yourself and your skill level. 

In order to concentrate on what you're doing rather than being self-conscious, you need to accept your skill level. Not everyone is perfect at everything, and if you are doing something difficult for you, accept that and not judge yourself at a level you simply are not at. 
Determine what is expected, and what is a bonus. You might have higher expectations than what is really required. Maybe all you need is a C on that test to pass geometry--an A would be even better, of course, but all you need is a C!

• For example, if public speaking just isn't your strong point, don't judge yourself harshly for an occasional mistake or having lost your place. Realistic expectations based on skill level also makes it is easier to drop the judgmental attitude towards yourself that nerves commonly cause.

Accepting your skill level means honestly facing your strengths and weaknesses so that you can form manageable expectations. Learn more about cultivating self acceptance here.

Embrace your nervousness. 

It may seem counter-intutitive to accept and welcome being nervous...after all, you are trying to not feel nervous! But trying to squelch down natural feelings has a way of making them worse.
Allow yourself to feel uneasy, but recognise that just because you feel uneasy does not mean you cannot do something.
Accept that you will feel nervous as a natural state in a given situation...just as you would feel happy, sad, or angry in a given situation. Instead of running from the feeling, simply allow it to be present, but not overwhelm you.
Being nervous has shows you care. And if you care, you are more likely to do well at something than someone who does not.


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